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WHAT CAUSES DEPRESSION?
Feelings of loss — Death of a loved one, ending of a relationship or friendship, loss of hope, wish or personal dream
A failure to live authentically — A failure to live according to one’s own preference; instead, trying to comply with or please everyone else
Inadequate or insufficient reinforcers in one’s life — An individual feels competent and receives praise in only a small area of his or her life, while the rest of his or her life is relatively empty
Learned helplessness — An individual may feel that it is impossible
to get what he or she wants out of life
The way we see ourselves — Low self-esteem, seeing ourselves as losers
Masking other feelings — A way of distracting from underlying feelings that may be more difficult to experience than depression (for example, appropriate anger)
How we think and the way we think — Cognitive distortions: All or nothing/black or white thinking, anything short of perfection means you’re a total failure
Overgeneralization — You see a single event as a never-ending pattern of defeat
Mental filter — You seek out one single negative detail and endlessly dwell upon it
Jumping to conclusions — You make a negative interpretation of an event even though there are no definite facts to support your conclusion
The fortune teller response — You anticipate things will turn out badly and believe that your prediction is an established fact
Note: There may also be a genetic component or biological reason for depression.
MANAGING STRESS
Stop, stretch and relax. Exercise where you are. Roll your head and shoulders, stretch your arms over your head or squeeze a tennis ball. Consider starting a regular exercise program to help you keep stress at bay over the long haul.
Meditate and contemplate. Recite a mantra, speak positive affirmations, say a prayer or imagine yourself on a relaxing vacation to help center your mind and reduce stress.
Talk it out. Get anger, fear and worry off your chest by confiding in a person you trust.
Take a leisurely dip in the bathtub. A hot soak can do wonders to reduce stress, increase blood circulation to the extremities and relax tense muscles.
Pamper yourself. Get a new hairstyle, a manicure or a pedicure. Eat your favorite food.
Or make a purchase to boost your spirits—so long as you don’t overspend.
Massage those aching muscles. Whether at the hands of a professional massage therapist
or those of a close friend, a good rub down can relax knotted muscles.
Rub your temples. Massaging the nerves in your temples relaxes tension in your neck muscles.
Apply a warm compress to your eyes. The radiant warmth from the compress
will relax the tired muscles around your eyes.
Read to relax. What better way to get away from the pressures of the day
than by retreating into the world of your imagination?
Take a brisk walk. Get up and walk around the neighborhood. Schedule a routine workout
that includes power walking or stair climbing.
Take a soothing siesta. Chronic lack of sleep can lower your productivity
and decrease your ability to handle stress.
Just say “no” to stressful people. Stay away from people who never seem
to have anything good to say about anything.
Seek out supportive people. Call a friend or family member.
Make a date to get together and keep it.
Stop procrastinating. Make a list of things to do, arrange them by priority and then do them!
Listen to music. Mellow, upbeat or dramatic—only you know what music makes you purr.
Listen to nature’s sounds. Find the real thing—the ocean, a babbling brook, the wind blowing through the trees—or listen to a CD of natural sounds to unwind.
Cry it out. A good cry can provide a release from pent-up emotions.
Accentuate the positive. Think about the good things that are going on in your life
and avoid obsessing about the things that aren’t going so well.
Laugh! Watch a funny movie or hang out with a friend with a good sense of humor.
MANAGING OUR ANGER
Everyone has anger. It is a natural emotion. The key is to be aware of it within ourselves and to avoid acting it out on others.
It’s helpful to think of anger as the tip of the iceberg. The tip of the iceberg is the only part that’s visible; however, there is a much larger, invisible portion
under the surface that contributes to anger—feelings of hurt, fear, sadness, humiliation, embarrassment and feeling threatened.
The tip of the iceberg—the anger—may become the only thing that we or those around us see,because it is hard to show the underbelly of anger—the vulnerable feelings.
You can start to manage your anger in a multitude of positive ways:
Attend to your physical needs.
Exercise. Take a walk. Take a break!
Breathe deeply, slowly and fully, helping to relax muscles.
Re-think the situation—empathize rather than judge.
Watch out for “shoulds”—there is no reason why others should live up to our expectations.
Talk it out with someone.
Take a problem-solving approach.
Find the humor in the situation.
LOSS AND GRIEF
Phases of Grief (not necessarily in this order):
-Disbelief, denial, numbness — dreamlike state, disassociation, shock
-Searching, altered perceptions — intense pining, yearning, feeling unsafe / lost
-Anger, guilt, role changes — temporary abandonment of role, unfamiliar feelings
-Resolution
Emotional Expressions:
Anger, rage, panic, numbness, depression, loneliness, suicidal thoughts, guilt, despair, resentment, regret
Behavioral Expressions:
Unusual reaction to family and friends, withdrawal, isolation, suppression, stoical, over-controlled manner, outbursts, lashing out, tears, sobbing, distortion of reality (visually, audibly, in taste), identification with deceased, setbacks, apathy, self-neglect, phobias
Physical Expressions:
Insomnia, lethargy, breathlessness, high blood pressure, tightness in throat, muscle spasms, ulcers, tics, tremors, same symptoms as deceased,
Weight loss or gain, frequent urination, constipation, diarrhea,
Menstrual changes, change in sex drive, dizziness, palpitations,
Headaches, rashes, sighing, nausea
Reasons to Talk to a Therapist:
Denying the death for an extended time
No expression or outlet of grief for an extended time
Self-neglect for an extended time
No change at all for the months following the loss
Self-abuse
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